First comes marriage. Then what? |
Researchers Allison Scott and Laura Stafford interviewed a
group of newlywed women to try to answer just this question. Scott and Stafford
found that all of the women reported feeling bored post-wedding; They had
funneled all of their time and energy into planning their big day, and now they
weren’t quite sure what to do with themselves. But, being bored did not necessarily
mean being blue. Some women acknowledged that they felt a little bored, but
were not depressed. Other women were bored and depressed. So what distinguished
these two groups of women? Blue brides viewed
their weddings as the end goal. In contrast, happy brides viewed their weddings
as the start of a new chapter.
Suffering from Post-Wedding Blues? |
So, for those of you who are not yet engaged, or are just
beginning the process, keep remembering that your wedding is the beginning of a
new chapter, and not your ultimate goal. Everyone’s experiences are different,
but here are a few suggestions to help keep your focus beyond your big day.
Have no-wedding-talk Wednesdays
during your engagement. Talking about your wedding plans is fun, exciting,
and necessary. But by restricting wedding talk a few nights a month, and
spending time talking about and doing non-wedding things together, you’ll be
sure to maintain some normalcy in your relationship. This may help you ease
back into real life post-wedding.
Plan past the wedding.
For every five pictures that go in your wedding inspiration folder, put a
couple fun (and relaxing!) vacations, new recipes, or weekend date night ideas into
a post-wedding folder. Everyone experiences some let down post-wedding, but if
you’ve given yourself things to look forward to, you may be more excited about
the next step.
After the wedding happens:
Know you are not alone. According to psychologists, post-wedding blues are very common. Don't feel like there is something wrong with you if you are feeling bored and a bit down after your wedding.
Don’t dwell on the depression. Ruminating about problems only makes depression worse. If you are feeling blue after your wedding, recognize it for what it is and don’t let the depression cloud your feelings about other areas of your life. Instead, find something new to be excited about: plan a party with your friends and put your new china to use or finally start that new hobby you’ve been putting off.
Don’t dwell on the depression. Ruminating about problems only makes depression worse. If you are feeling blue after your wedding, recognize it for what it is and don’t let the depression cloud your feelings about other areas of your life. Instead, find something new to be excited about: plan a party with your friends and put your new china to use or finally start that new hobby you’ve been putting off.
Alert your spouse that
you’re blue. If you are moping around the house looking like Eeyore when
your spouse is expecting wedded bliss, that could leave both of you concerned
about the state of your relationship. Letting your spouse know that you are
just feeling let down after all the wedding festivities can take the blame off
of your spouse and help him or her be supportive.
If you are married, do you think you saw your wedding as an end goal or the beginning of a new chapter? Are you, or have you, experienced post-wedding blues? What did you do to make yourself feel better? What worked, what didn't?
Further Reading:
Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2000). The Role of Rumination in Depressive Disorders and Mixed Anxiety/Depressive Symptoms Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 11 (3), 504-511 DOI: 10.1037/0021-843X.109.3.504
Kurdeck, L. (1998). The nature and predictors of the trajectory of change in marital quality over the first 4 years of marriage for first-married husbands and wives Journal of Family Psychology, 12 (4), 494-510 DOI: 10.1037/0893-3200.12.4.494
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