3 Ways Your Romantic Instincts Can Lead You Astray

When it comes to dating, we’re often told that we should trust our instincts: If it feels right, go for it, but if you get a bad feeling from someone, steer clear.

These instincts can certainly be helpful at times, but they’re also subject to a number of biases that can lead us to trust the wrong people and overlook the right ones.

Here are just three ways that our romantic instincts can lead us astray.

When Objectification Is a Choice

In a recent interview, actress Cameron Diaz controversially said "I think every woman does want to be objectified." Given that decades of research has documented the many ways that objectification can be harmful, why would anyone voluntarily choose to objectify themselves?

Five Classic Psychological Catch-22s

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Yossarian, the protagonist of Joseph Heller's classic novel, Catch-22, wants to be excused from air combat. To be excused, he needs only to prove that he is mentally unstable, but there's a catch: the very act of asking to be excused would show that he is sane. In other words, there's no way out. The term "catch-22" has since been used to describe any situation where circular logic guarantees an undesired outcome, no matter what a person does. Although catch-22s are typically found in legal or bureaucratic contexts, they also turn up in psychology. Here are some notable examples. 

The Secret to Maintaining Sexual Desire?

How many pennies are in your jar?

Soon after I got engaged, a married friend told me about the Penny Game. In this game, a newlywed couple puts a penny in a jar each time they have sex during the first year of marriage. Then, starting the second year, the couple takes out a penny each time they have sex. Supposedly, the couple will never again have enough sex to empty the jar. This old wives' tale represents a commonly held belief that sexual desire declines over the course of a relationship. But is this true? And does it happen to everyone?

Sexual desire and sexual frequency do tend to decline over the course of a relationship. Several large-scale surveys have found evidence for this, and one study even found that the link between sexual frequency and relationship duration was stronger than the link between sexual frequency and age (Johnson et al., 1994). So young or old, sexual desire is likely to peak at the beginning of a new relationship and steadily decline from there.

But is that the end of the story? Once we enter into a long-term relationship, do we have to sit back and accept that our hottest days are behind us? According to recent research, not necessarily.

Friday Fun: The Ryan Gosling Obsession

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When Bradley Cooper was named People Magazine's Sexist Man Alive this year, angry protesters swarmed People's headquarters (okay, there were only about 15 protesters, but still). According to one, Ryan's "left arm alone makes him the Sexiest Man Alive. Hello, look at his abs!" Ryan is also the subject of the "Hey Girl" meme, which started with a single tumblr that inspired multiple off-shoots, like feminist Ryan Gosling, typographer Ryan Gosling, and biostatistics Ryan Gosling (featured at left). What can explain this singular obsession? What is it that sets Ryan apart?

Valentine's Day Special: An Insider's Guide to Speed Dating

This week's guest blogger is Maya Kuehn, a fellow graduate student at UC Berkeley. We're thrilled to have this talented researcher and writer contribute to the blog. In this post she'll be discussing research on speed dating.

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To my never-ending delight, being a social psychologist can sometimes make me feel like I have an insider’s guide to social life. When I discovered that two dear friends of mine were about to try speed dating for the first time, I couldn’t help offering some (yes, unsolicited) terribly handy research-based advice: “Be selective! They’ll like you more if you don’t show interest in everybody.” My random tip amused my friends, but my outburst didn’t do justice to the scope of research done on speed dating in our field in recent years. For you, dear readers, just in time for Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d provide a quick and dirty guide to the basics of what goes down in speed dating interactions.

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First, a bit of background: speed dating began in the late 90’s in LA, and has rapidly spread since. In a typical session people participate in a round-robin series of interactions, meeting each eligible partner for a 3-8 minute speed date and rating interest in them afterwards. If two people indicate mutual interest (i.e., match), each is provided with his or her match’s contact info. The super short format of these dates lets people make rapid decisions about each other’s eligibility as a mate, and as such provides a rich microcosm of the first impression and romantic attraction dynamics psychologists have speculated about and researched for decades. As you might expect, our field has started studying speed dating interactions to distill the basic elements of initial interpersonal attraction. So what have we found?

The power of red

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Like most teenagers in suburbia I took a driver’s education class shortly after I earned my learner’s permit. Though I picked up critical driving tips, and got plenty of practice in the driver’s seat, one of the most interesting facts I learned concerned car insurance and the color red. According to my teacher, drivers with red cars had to pay higher insurance rates. Apparently this was due to the fact that people in red cars were more likely to speed. I’ve since learned that the relationship between red and speeding is actually a pervasive urban legend. Nevertheless, it piqued my interest in the association between color and behavior. Though red might not be associated with speeding, it has been found to relate to a variety of psychological processes and outcomes in both humans and non-human primates including dominance, competitive sports outcomes, achievement, and sexual attraction.