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Not exactly. According to researchers Zhang and Epley, the thought only counts (i.e., enhances appreciation for and liking of a gift) under certain conditions. In one study, when participants recalled times they received a gift they liked, the amount of thought they believed their givers used was not correlated with their evaluations of the gift. In other words, the thought didn’t count. However, when participants recalled times they received a gift they didn’t like, the amount of thought they believed their givers used was positively correlated with evaluations of the gift. Here, the thought did count. Presumably, this is because disliked gifts trigger thoughts about the givers’ thoughts, like “what was he thinking when he bought me this?” The researchers propose that thinking about givers’ thoughts helps receivers link thoughtfulness to actual evaluations (i.e., makes thoughts count).
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If all of this thinking about other people thinking about
other people thinking is making you confused, the bottom line is this: givers’ thoughts don’t count unless receivers are triggered to think about them when evaluating gifts. This trigger could occur implicitly, like when people receive disliked gifts, or explicitly, like when people are asked to think about givers' thoughts. When receivers aren't triggered to think about
the givers’ thoughts, then receivers will evaluate gifts based on quality.
Are there any
benefits of thoughtful giving I can count on?
If I have almost ruined your guiding principle of
gift-giving, don’t worry. Fortunately for your holiday spirits, Zhang and Epley
found evidence that there are consistent benefits of thoughtful giving - but
they are for givers, not receivers. In
one study, participants were assigned to pairs, with one person a giver and one
a receiver. Givers saw several products and chose one for the receiver with
whom they had been paired. When making their choices, they were either told to
think very carefully (thoughtful condition) or not to think hard (thoughtless
condition).
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How can this research
help you with your holiday gift-giving?
Luckily, Zhang and Epley have provided us with some useful
pointers for this season:
2. If your goal is to feel closer to someone, you should be as
thoughtful as you can when buying that person a gift. Your thoughtfulness may
help you engage in more perspective taking, helping you feel a stronger bond with your gift-receiver.
Hopefully these tips will help you feel more
stress-free when your gift-giving is thoughtless and more connected when your gift-giving is thoughtful!
Do you do more
“thoughtful” or “thoughtless” gift-giving? What are your reasons? Let us know
in the comments!
References:
Zhang Y, & Epley N (2012). Exaggerated, mispredicted, and misplaced: When "it's the thought that counts" in gift exchanges. Journal of experimental psychology. General, 141 (4), 667-81 PMID: 22774790
Great article! Makes me feel less stressed about "thoughtless" giving!!
ReplyDeleteMost of the time I am too thoughtful in my gift giving.. (which can be very time consuming!) and, as you explained, it doesn't always mean I am giving something the receiver really wants.
I feel best as a gift giver when I get something the person wants ("thoughtless") and then I get a very thoughtful card and write a heartfelt note. That way - they get a gift they want, and I can feel closer to them!
Perfect! It sounds like you have worked out the best situation. I agree that thank you cards can help gift exchanges foster even more social connection. Thanks for reading!
DeleteThis is good to know, especially at this time of year- So many of us feel stress over the decision-making required of "thoughtful" gifts. It would be nice if everyone had a registry or wish list. I think a lot of people feel guilty if they simply buy from a wish list; it's nice to know we should not feel this way!
ReplyDeleteI think most of us have had the experience of thinking hard about a gift choice and successfully finding the perfect gift. The recipient is thrilled, we feel great, and - according to this research- we feel closer to the recipient. I think that this is what drives us to keep trying to duplicate this experience... and is what creates the stress of once again finding the perfect gift.
Yes, that’s a great point. Once we know what a successful gift exchange feels like, we probably want to seek out that same experience again. Sometimes it can get harder and harder to keep finding amazing gifts for the same person over the years, though! That’s where wish lists come in handy. Thanks for your comment!
DeleteAlso please consider people's feelings when you return a gift. I have a family member who routinely says thank you and perhaps a compliment when she receives my gifts, which have been carefully considered and planned. Then the next time she sees me, she hands the gift back to me without a word. It feels like continual rejection. Needless to say it has damaged our relationship and created much anger and resentment. I don't give her anything any more.
ReplyDeleteOh, I’m so sorry! I can certainly imagine it would be difficult to get gifts returned back to you all the time. I understand wanting to direct your thoughtful gift giving elsewhere. Thanks for reading!
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