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Ryan did survive the surgery, and since then has undergone grueling rehabilitation, relearning everything from walking to tying his shoes. The road back to some semblance of normalcy has been challenging, but he has forged ahead with determination, making remarkable progress. He attended Spring Training this season, putting in countless hours of batting practice in addition to a full schedule of physical therapy. Although he still struggles with fine motor skills, his hitting ability seems to be coming back, and he has not given up on his dream to one day play for the Red Sox.
It's hard not to be in awe of Ryan. He's lived through a nightmare no nineteen year old should ever have to face, and yet he doesn't wallow in self-pity or bitterness. He works excruciatingly hard every day even though there is no guarantee that his efforts will be successful. We have a lot to learn from Ryan and people like him who face adversity with resilience and courage.
What does psychological research tell us about how we can become more resilient?
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Cultivate positive emotions. Positive emotions like love, joy, and gratitude help to broaden and build psychological resources such as knowledge, coping skills, and social support, according to research conducted by Barbara Fredrickson and her colleagues. For example, one study showed that people who experienced more positive emotions in the wake of the 9/11 terrorist attacks were less likely to experience depression and were better able to maintain life satisfaction and tranquility. It is important to note that these individuals also experienced many negative emotions, like fear, anger, and sadness - positive emotions do not replace the negatives, but help make them less debilitating. Surviving a serious trauma can also promote positive self-views, giving people confidence that they will be able to handle whatever life throws at them. How can positive emotions be cultivated? Rather than waiting for good feelings to emerge on their own, daily practices like loving-kindness mediation can be helpful, as can gratitude-inducting exercises - see Amie's recent post for ideas.
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Don't be too hard on yourself. Even more important than facing adversity with strength and courage is allowing yourself to not always be strong and courageous. It's natural to feel anger, frustration, and depression when life throws you punches - you can't expect yourself to be superhuman. Kristin Neff and other researchers have shown that self-compassion is an essential part of healthy psychological functioning, whether you're dealing with everyday stressors or major traumas. To be self-compassionate is to be understanding and forgiving of yourself when you fall short of your ideals. Although self-compassion sounds like it could lead to self-indulgence or complacency, research suggests just the opposite - being too hard on yourself can be debilitating, whereas a healthy dose of self-acceptance may actually motivate people to work harder and take more risks, since it makes failure less threatening.
In addition to accepting yourself and your shortcomings, it's also important to accept that certain factors may be outside of your control, no matter how hard you struggle. I always think of the Serenity prayer - rather than fighting to the death on the one extreme or giving up too easily on the other, the challenge is to recognize where you do have leverage and where your energy will be most fruitful. In the words of Randy Pausch, author of The Last Lecture, "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."Although there is much we can't control, we often have a lot more leverage than we realize. Ryan's progress has far surpassed everyone's expectations. But this progress is only possible because of his patience, because he takes it one step at a time and doesn't expect too much too soon. Ryan's father has said, "As proud as we are of so many things Ryan has done in his young life, we have never been, and never will be, more proud of him for the courage he has shown during his recovery."
In February, Ryan hit his first home run post-surgery. He has a long road ahead of him, but at the rate he's going it seems like anything is possible. Click here for more information about Ryan's recovery.
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What strategies have you personally found to be most effective in coping with negative life events?
Great post, thanks for sharing.
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